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J’ai donné mon avis à Cetelem

11 Apr

Il arrive parfois que les étoiles se trouvent dans un parfait alignement. Comme hier. Un samedi gris de début avril, tombant en fin du premier quart de la période de « mesures supplémentaires de freinage du coronavirus, durant l’extension de l’allègement du confinement » cette dernière étant en vigueur en France métropolitaine depuis le 16 décembre 2020. Bref, j’avais le temps de répondre à l’enquête de satisfaction commanditée par Cetelem. Et l’envie.

Parce que Cetelem, j’ai des choses à dire à ton sujet !

Cetelem c’est un peu comme l’hôtel Californie, quand même : “You can check-out any time you like. But you can never leave!” (« Vous pouvez partir à tout moment. Mais vous ne pouvez jamais partir ! ») Je le sais, car j’ai essayé.

En fait, à chaque fois que je prends place sur mon canapé-payé-en-4-fois-sans-frais, une infime zone de mon cerveau s’active : celle qui se souvient que c’est via un produit Cetelem, même si je l’ignorais à l’époque, que j’ai pu faire l’acquisition de ce canapé, il y a bientôt 4 ans.

Entre-temps, j’ai respecté le contrat et soumis par courrier recommandé la signification de son arrêt (c’est ambigu si une fois le crédit remboursé le contrat s’arrête), dans le délai imparti. Depuis : boîte noire.

Et puis j’ai envoyé un autre courrier recommandé, quand ils ont continué de —ou recommencé à — envoyer des courriers tout aussi ambigus m’informant de la situation de mon compte. Et puis ce sont les courriers électroniques que la boîte noire a émis. L’un pour m’informer d’un message dans mon espace personnel. L’autre pour m’informer de la disponibilité de mon relevé en ligne. Puis ce fut une offre de bienvenue à un nouveau service de paiement. Dans TOUS les cas, il faut s’identifier sur leur site pour savoir de quoi il s’agit. Et dans TOUS les cas, s’identifier sur leur site semble m’engager à réactiver le contrat. NON MERCI !

Trois panneaux de l’enquête

Graduées de 0 à 10, je comprends pas vraiment la dynamique des questions. Je crois que ce genre d’enquête ne sert que pour ceux qui n’ont rien à dire. J’ai mis des zéros le plus possible et fourni des raisons là où c’était possible.

Non, je ne recommande pas Cetelem à quiconque. Mon niveau de satisfaction concernant les produits ? Comment dire… Les offres commerciales proposées ? Impossibles à éviter ! La fréquence ? Dès lors que non c’est non, même une fois est trop fréquent.

Les trois derniers panneaux de l’enquête

J’ai mis 10, la graduation la meilleure, à la question « est-ce que Cetelem s’engage pour une consommation plus responsable et plus durable ? » Je l’ai fait comme une plaisanterie où oui, je vous garantie que je vais me responsabiliser : Cetelem c’est terminé ! Est-ce que Cetelem a facilité mon parcours et l’accès au service ? LOL. Est-ce que je choisirai Cetelem pour un projet futur ? Absolument pas.

Mentions légales et courrier

Les mentions légales de leur email me demandant de leur donner mon avis m’ont permis une nouvelle fois de leur écrire, cette fois pour exercer mon droit relatif à mes données.

2 years a bachelorette

31 Jan

Today I’ve been a bachelorette for two years. It’s a fact. This is neither a celebration, nor a commemoration, nor a homage. This isn’t a life goal either. And this isn’t a failure.

Or is it?

Heart shape filled with color

I love the idea of love and am glad for those who are in a relationship they strive in. I am not sad that this isn’t my case. In practice, that isn’t for me.

I have had many happy moments in all of my past relationships and I cherish those memories. I am blessed with a selective memory that ensures I retain hardly any bitterness from the unhappy times.

There isn’t any “yet” yet. That is all. The anniversary was on my mind simply because I was reminded that there was a time when a dear friend of mine had posited that I could not be single. It may have been the case indeed, or it may have shaped what I did after, or it may not have been true. If it was, it hasn’t been for a while.

Pranking

29 Jan

This week was a good week. I engineered a prank at work that brought much fun and entertainment, and made that week even better. A prank in 3 acts.

Act 1

We use Zoom for our meetings and when I noticed, just as I was leaving at the end of a meeting, that a colleague of mine wasn’t at his desk, I thought I just had missed an opportunity to take a screenshot of his room without him, and later use it as my own background image and see his face as he realized!

So I went back, found his room still empty and quickly took a screenshot. I was in the process of making my window bigger to take a better screenshot when he showed up. Uh oh! “Oh, you were waiting for me to return?,” he asked. I couldn’t quickly enough come up with a good excuse for the probably guilty look on my face, so I just fessed up. Good laugh was had. And see you next time, wink wink!

The next thing I did was to quickly edit out his name from the bottom left part of the screenshot. I saved the photo somewhere I could open it on my iPhone and used the “healing” tool of Snapseed (my favourite —and free— image edition software on smartphone), which basically redraws an area of your choice using its surrounding. Then I adjusted a bit the sharpness and reduced the noise to get the best out of that pretty small screenshot.

Then I tested it as my own Zoom virtual background 👌and gave him a preview.

A glimpse of the result

Act 2

I wrote to everyone-but-him in the team who usually attends our weekly all-hands meeting (which was the next day) and shared my “work” and the context, offering them to join me in escalating the prank, since I had been made.

And it turned out so so much better this way.

Response was high. But then, who isn’t in for a bit of harmless fun? Especially when it’s so easy to set up.

Someone had suggested some particular timing: our colleague usually gets to speak early in the meeting and that was going to be our cue to all switch to our virtual background of his soon-worldwide-office.

Act 3

The meeting started as usual and people, who were a bit more numerous than habitual, kept a very straight face. Our colleague was called to speak and most of the tiles in the gallery instantly changed!

Escalated prank

Everyone yielded to the smiles that had been suppressed and for a few moments none of us heard him. We were too focused on awaiting his reaction. And yet, he continued to talk, unaware, for a few seconds until wrapping up. At the exact moment he briefly paused, hesitated, apparently lost track of his thought and then finished his word, we knew he was finally looking at his screen and he was confused.

Mischief managed!

He was not expecting that, to our delight! Hearing his heartfelt laugh was such a reward. Another bonus was seeing a number of colleagues who usually don’t start their video in meetings. I enjoyed immensely seeing a whole room of smiling people.

A bitter pill to swallow

24 Jun

I was prepared for a meeting where hearing a man saying the same things I said would suffice (and it may have), but I wasn’t prepared to hear that in spite of being the project manager, I would need to be trained if I were to act as interface with new people. Like I haven’t been interfacing so far, and a particular group would need a different kind of interfacing? So I’ve been wearing my cranky pants for a couple of days. There’s a dent in my motivation and mostly I’ve been feeling worthless since.

sad faced person at desk but not working
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